Habits. We all have them. Some are good and some are not so good. Being that I love contrast when learning, I thought I’d share with you a list of habits that I avoid in my marriage and the reasons why I do so, (all from a biblical perspective of course!)
1. Unkind speech. Words matter to me and I think if they matter to me, they probably matter to my husband. So I choose my words carefully. The old saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me,” is a big fat lie. Names will hurt me and they’ll hurt my husband. Allowing or delivering a harsh word to one another will cause the marriage to crumble. Biting my tongue when I know I shouldn’t respond in a sin-filled way is not always an easy choice but speaking harsh words is something I seek to avoid at all costs. Once you release those words, you can never get them back. Seek to be a wife who does the opposite of her flesh- be a woman who is gracious.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26
2. Neglecting physical intimacy. When life got busy and the new passion of our marriage died down, it was a natural response to be complacent with our physical intimacy. Now, I’m not talking about withholding physical intimacy, although this is something I avoid as well, what I’m referring to here is not being intentional about connecting with my husband. Intentional is the key word. I have to be mindful that I don’t allow other pursuits (or even trials) to consume my time and attention. If I’m not careful, then life could so quickly snuff out the intimacy in our marriage. I enjoy having an affectionate husband and I want to be connected to him and one of the ways this happens is through physical intimacy. This means we need to work through our problems and not let them fester in our hearts otherwise my marriage will be void of intimacy. I seek to avoid a platonic marriage because a platonic marriage is like settling for stale bread- it’s edible, but it’s not delicious!
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor. 7:3-5
3. The desire to worship self. I like to have life revolve around me and my ways. I like being right but not just some of the time, but all of the time. And it’s a natural response for me to make excuses for my sin and then place the blame on my husband. Bottom line, I need to own my sin and worship only Jesus Christ. Seeking to have a marriage where it is all about me is an idol of my heart!
“You shall have no other gods before Me. Exodus 20:3
4. An impatient and legalistic spirit. I don’t want to be a sin-sniffing wife. I know I married a sinner as did my husband. Every person I know falls short.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23
5. Lack of integrity. I need to be a woman of my word so my husband can safely trust in me. If I break the trust in my marriage, I lose my husband’s heart. If his heart is hard towards me, he’ll be distant, uncaring, and unloving- all things I don’t want him to be.
Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. Proverbs 31:11 (NLT)
6. Being an unsupportive wife. My husband and I have lived through many trials and one thing I’ve learned is to be his ally, not his enemy. I want to have a friend and encourager standing by my side when I go through the storms of life and one of the ways this takes place in my marriage is by being a supportive wife to my guy.
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Eccl. 4:12
7. Giving my loyalty and allegiance to family and friends rather than to my husband. I bear his last name. He’s my guy and I’m his gal. If I don’t stand for him, who will? He and I are one flesh and because of this my loyalty always goes to him before anyone else.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24
8. A bitter and unforgiving heart. This is the kiss of death to a marriage. I can nurse a grudge all. day. long. but I’d be outside of the will of God if I did.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Cor. 13:4-5
9. Emotionally unavailable. If I don’t learn to reconcile things with my man when we don’t see eye to eye then I’ll have the tendency to want to emotionally check out from connecting with him. It’s really an immature thing. It’s like emotional blackmail or an emotional tantrum that I’d like to throw. He hurt my feelings and therefore, I don’t want to talk with him again. Yeah, sometimes I just need to get over myself. 🙂
And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Eph. 4:26-27
10. An on-going, demanding schedule. When my schedule is filled to the brim and I don’t have time to even speak with my husband on a regular basis to see how he is doing, then my schedule is too full. It’s time to scale things back so I can devote some of my time to invest in him, our friendship, and our marriage because this relationship comes before all others.
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. Proverbs 31:10
What are some habits that you avoid in your marriage? I’d love to hear you thoughts in the comments!
Live a poured out life for Christ,
How important is your marriage to you? Do you just want to survive in it or do you want your marriage to thrive? If you’ve said yes to having a thriving marriage, then join me for some mentoring in your marriage!