My husband is one of those who doesn’t find a need for a regular date night. His view of things has been that we spend time with each other every day, so why would we spend extra money to go out? Especially when his wife is a phenomenal cook – “just look at my waistline”, he says, patting his mid section.
At first, I was disappointed that he found no need for a date night. The longer time went on, the more irritated I became.
I really wanted that date night.
I took his lack of interest in the date night personally. I felt bad for myself when I heard friends speak of their date nights. I loathed all the stay at home date night ideas on Pinterest because I wanted an extravagant, out on the town, fancy dress wearing, date night.
So, I had a pity party.
I was miserable in that little pity party.
Then I started hating that pity party.
So I took action against that pity party.
Wouldn’t you know, I learned a thing or two when I started looking at the big picture and not so much on what I wanted from my husband.
What to do when Your Husband Doesn’t Do Date Nights
1. Don’t allow the enemy to drive a wedge of self pity between you and your husband.
I allowed myself to feel sorry for myself.
I held the date night to a higher degree than the fact that he is a good man who kisses me every morning, comes home every evening, tells me I’m beautiful, helps around the house, and loves me in the ways only he knows how to love me.
It was no longer about how he loved me. It was about how he didn’t love me the way I thought I should be loved.
I realized that I had let pride and selfishness rule my judgment and no longer gave thanks to God for what I already had when I applied these two verses:
“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment,” Romans 8:3
“give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18
This brought me to repentance and helped me begin seeing my husband with new appreciation.
2. Consider that a healthy marriage may not have been modeled to him.
We all do life according to how we have experienced it in the past. If your husband didn’t have a wholesome example of what marriage can look like, he’s not going to know how to romance his wife after those first few marital spats.
So, if the heart fluttering romance of your dating life slows down, don’t be offended. Maybe he’s having a hard time getting past what he’s seen or known before.
Pray for him to be set free from negative thought processes of his past.
3. Lead him in romance.
If you’ve been married for any amount of time you know, it doesn’t take much for your husband to take your sweet and flirty to some kind of fiery spice!
Plan a simple gesture just for him. Rent a movie, light candles and give him a back massage.
For my husband, I serve his favorite meal in candlelight.
Once a month, we have a fine dining experience over homemade pizza. Yes, our children are there. Yes, the china gets chipped. Yes, a candle tipped over into the pizza. But all that only added to the feeling of oneness as we glanced and smiled at each other over our children’s heads.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be a fireworks kind of event. But, it does have to be real and without selfish expectations.
Isn’t that what date nights are all about? Loving real hearts with real love.
How about you? How do you and your husband keep the marital flames alive?
Want to be encouraged and equipped in your role as a wife? Join us for the Wisdom for Wives On-line Conference! For more information and to sign up, click here.