Last year I experienced a season where I felt alone and unheard. Few people in my life have understood what I was experiencing. Even my husband struggled to understand.
Thyroiditis. Adrenal Fatigue. Peri Menopause. It all hit me at once.
I felt miserable and didn’t understand how almost overnight I’d gone from an active, healthy, and vibrant woman, to someone who could barely pull herself off the couch each day.
Physically, I was exhausted and coping through a long list of general malaise symptoms. Emotionally, I was a mess of tears, fear, and almost uncontrollable anxiety. At one point I actually wondered if I was slowly dying.
This trial tested my faith. I prayed, and I wondered why I wasn’t spiritually stronger, especially after all my husband and I had already endured over the years. How could fear and uncertainty still consume me?
This trial also tested my marriage. A woman with messed up hormones isn’t always fun to be around, or easy to talk to. Many times I’ve watched my husband hold his words back and quickly change the subject after I’d shared about a symptom I was feeling in the moment.
I needed him to be my sounding board as I processed and tried to understand for myself what my body was experiencing. But I probably came across as sounding more like a hypochondriac. He’s used to me always worrying about something.
As I reflect upon this tough year, I know God has used it to show me the things I fear most in life aren’t things I can control or endure in my own strength, anyway. The Lord is teaching me that He is all I truly need, and He isn’t finished with His good work in me.
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 1:6
Through God’s lead, and my own determination to find healing, my health has greatly improved. I almost feel normal again. Almost. I’m told Peri Menopause can last ten years. Lord, help me!
At first I was discouraged by my husband’s sudden desire to “move on” from my health issues, leaving me to battle them alone. It took me a while to understand how he could act like my health was no big deal. It certainly was a big deal to me!
But then I heard the Holy Spirit reminding me to respond in grace. We all cope differently. My husband and I are particularly different in how we cope through a hard season. This, I know from experience.
My man has always been able to be my hero. I was the girl needing saved, and he definitely saved me. He’s spent years of our life together romancing me, and he works very hard to provide for our family. He’s been my best friend and my lover.
My health, though? This has been uncharted territory for him. He’s been up against something he doesn’t understand and can’t fix. So he stopped trying to. He handed it over to God, and that’s it. It’s done. Nothing more to worry about. God’s got it. This is how he’s always stood strong in his faith with situations beyond his control.
So what did I do when I felt like I was alone in this hard season of life?
1. I remembered Who my Lord and Savior is. It’s not my husband. It’s not fair to hold him to such a high standard. My strength comes only from Jesus, and He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6
2. I dug deep into my faith and chose to stand strong with my husband. God allowed this hard season for a reason. I decided I might as well accept it and grow through it.
3. I recorded a video series called Stop Looking at Me Like I’m Crazy: Navigating MidLife, Hormones, and Thyroiditis. This allowed me to share my story with others, so my suffering hasn’t been for nothing.
Are you going through a hard season? Remember, you are never alone.
Blessings to you, friend!