At any given time, I can act real nasty and critical toward my husband. I can snap at him and bite his head off with no problem. Quick tempered? Um, yeah, unfortunately! Slow to speak? Not so much.
My tendencies to lash out at my husband can quickly snuff out our passion and love. And what wife wants a marriage void of passion and love? Not this one.
So, I’ve had to learn (and keep learning) to watch my words, after all, our words will either build others up or tear them down.
Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way. James 3:2 (NLT)
The tongue is hard to tame and if I’m not careful it can cause an awful lot of damage to my marital relationship.
The same premise goes for my husband. He can easily act harsh toward me with his words.
All things related to Jerk-like status.
When my husband is acting less than loving, here are a couple of things I try to remember and do as a wife.
1. My husband is not a woman, therefore I can’t expect him to act like a woman.
God wired him differently. By nature, woman are more tender than men. Therefore, a man will always seem a little more harsh than a woman.
2. He’ll have the flesh-filled tendency to be harsh.
The Bible gives husbands a reminder to not be harsh (jerk-like is my paraphrase) to their wives.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Col. 3:19 (NIV)
Now, does my husband intentionally plan to be harsh toward me? No, I don’t believe he does. But if he is and it really bothers me, then I’ll confront him in love, not anger. Although I don’t always get this right because I’m lacking some self-control. 🙂 Because, yes, it is easier to lash back at him when he lashes out at me.
3. I have to let him know how to treat me.
I always find it best to do this after he’s been harsh, rather than tell him in the heat of the moment. Reminding myself to speak to him with a tender heart.
Here are a few things to say to your husband when the jerkzilla has decided to come out to play:
- Please don’t speak to me like that.
- Please don’t treat me like that.
- Please be kind to me.
When you see him making an effort to be more tender toward you, then thank him for considering your feelings. This little act shows him how to treat you in a positive and loving way.
Interestingly enough, for the last week every one in my house has been sick. First one person, then the next. At each stage of the illness, my family is being taught and reminded to be patient, considerate, and kind because we are all physically weaker than usual.
First my boys got it. Then my husband. And now me. The beauty of this is now my teen boys are more compassionate and understanding because they’ve experienced feeling crummy. The same as my husband.
Just yesterday my 16 year said to me, “Mama Bear, you don’t look too well. Is there anything I can do for you?”
I was completely shocked by his loving words because I’ve had to tell that boy repeatedly through the years not to be a jerk toward others. I’m constantly telling him to be kind, compassionate, and understanding. And yesterday, I saw the fruit from what my husband and I have tried to model and teach him. But, it has taken a LONG time. So, did I affirm his loving care toward me? Of course!
4. Confront him in love. Ask yourself if he’s just having a bad day. Did he decide to take his frustrations out on you? Obviously, if this is a pattern of his behavior, then you need to have more conversations and let him know what is unacceptable to you. If he doesn’t listen to what you’ve said and he calls himself a Christ-follower, then you’ll need to apply the Matthew 18 Principle. Go read Matthew 18:15-17 and learn how to confront your brother in the Lord.
If he’s not a believer in Christ, then you’ll want to consider some counseling. If he won’t go and his treatment toward you is boarderline emotional abuse, then I’d let him know that. Consider separating, but make sure you walk out this path with people in real life. If you’re in a situation like this, just know that an article on the web can’t give you enough counsel.
Live a poured out life for Christ,
How important is your marriage to you? Do you just want to survive in it or do you want your marriage to thrive? If you’ve said yes to having a thriving marriage, then join me for some mentoring in your marriage!